Righto – so I have to update you on October as well as this month so this one will be a longish one. And, boy… is it a doozy.
I started a podcast.
Around mid-October, a friend of mine was dumped. She didn’t take it well, and I suggested she write a letter to her ex – not to actually send to him, but to just purge some of the muck she was carrying around.
It reminded me of my 2010 art project called Letters to an Ex-Lover, in which I asked people from around the world to write and record a letter to their significant ex-partner and I exhibited them with a quilt I made featuring quotes from each letter.
In the age of podcasting, I thought this could be a really lovely community project – a place where people could find closure and self-acceptance by anonymously recording themselves reading out a letter.
So… I jumped in with both feet and did it! Episode 2 was released last week and so far, it’s going pretty well. I am always desperate for more letters but the ones I’ve already received have been wonderful.
I’m really enjoying the whole process of podcasting. I love editing the letters, and then recording my audio and then piecing the entire episode together. Even writing those show notes are really fun for me.
Marrying into… heavy stuff.
Sometime in October, S’ ex-wife, K, called him to say she wasn’t doing well. Her drinking had gotten out of hand and she had made the decision to go to rehab.
Even though we were both so proud of her for making this decision, it obviously made S very anxious because he worried about how his son, B, would cope with such a big change. K’s other ex-partner, S2, with whom she has another son, O (this is getting complicated – I know), has been an outstanding father figure to B, but the poor guy was clearly overwhelmed with trying to hold down the fort. We made the difficult decision to move to NZ for a couple of months to provide support for everyone.
At first, S was going to go alone as we thought it would only be for 4-6 weeks. It was going to be expensive for him just to get there (Everyone who enters NZ must quarantine at an allocated hotel for 14 days. And you have to pay for it – NZD 3100! Also, this didn’t include the flights to NZ) but we found out that Managed Isolation and Quarantine would waive the fee if you stayed in NZ for over 90 days.
We agreed that being apart for 3 months was unacceptable, so I made the very very hard decision to keep my business closed for the next few months so that I can travel with S.
I am feeling resentful of this massive disruption to our lives, even though I completely understand that alcoholism is a disease which is difficult to control. So, yes, I am sympathetic but I’m also scared of what I’m supposed to do, and how this will affect our relationship.
I’m very lucky that the Australian govt will still support me until March, even when I’m not in the country. So, it’s nice that I’ll have some money coming in, but I have such a scarcity mindset. I’m always worried money. I’m trying to get over it though. I’ve actually constantly been blessed with abundance. I’ve never really gone without.
Anyway, we’re booked to arrive in NZ on December 19th, which means we’ll be spending Christmas and New Year stuck in a hotel room, not able to leave except to do a quick couple of laps around the block for exercise. It was the earliest date we could get, since the spaces in the allocated hotels are limited.
The upside is that when we get out, S gets to be with his lovely little son, and the weather and beaches in NZ will be stunning.
Swings and Roundabouts, I suppose.
New Housemate
S’ friend, J, has come to stay with us, and he’ll be looking after our place and cat, Jasmine, while we’re away.
This is the first time I’ve lived with someone who isn’t family or an SO. But, J is fucking lovely and super chill to live with. He’s so neat. Seriously… you should see the way he makes the bed. It looks like a hotel bed. Major stamp of approval from me.
Our sex-life is much more limited which is a little frustrating (no more impromptu sex-sessions on the couch for a while!) but it is what it is. Learning to be stealthy in the bedroom is actually quite an adventure. LOL
Spirituality and Witchy Shit
I’m leaning heavily into my spirituality right now. The Scorpio in me is absolutely fucking hating the lack of control in my life, but the Universe is totally throwing “go with the flow” vibes at me and I’m really trying to let go of the reins.
It’s difficult. I’m such a planner – a doer, and I’m trying to come up with things to focus on while our lives are upended.
I’m so glad I have a steady partner in S. And I’m also glad I have the podcast to work on. I also need to get back into working on my virtual assistant Instagram account to try and get some virtual work. Having some kind of projects will give me purpose.
I’ve also bought myself a new Tarot deck because I am determined to learn to read the cards.
I’m also trying to learn about my deities and guides. And also… the idea of doing Shadow work sounds really intriguing to me.
Some Sad and Shocking News
I found out on Sunday that my ex died by suicide early last week. I hadn’t talked to her much since we ended in 2016. I thought of her often, though, and took the news badly.
In a way, I feel like I don’t have the right to be as upset as I am since I ended things, and I hadn’t stayed in touch.
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Ok, that’s it for my October/November update.
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