My parents are here at the moment and it has been lovely. It’s the first time they’ve met Scott, and it has gone really well. My parents are pretty easygoing so it’s not hard to like them. Especially Dad. He’s charming with a wry send of humour, so most people who meet him kind of gush about how awesome he is.

Last night, my parents also met Scott’s mum and her partner. It was a huge moment for me, because my parents have never met the parent/s of any of my previous significant others. It kind of makes my relationship with Scott even more important, and that is a scary thing, because I want this relationship to work, but sometimes I feel like I’m more invested in all of it than he is and that makes me a little sad.

Perhaps he’s just better at being comfortable in it than me; he’s gotten into a good rhythm or something… I, on the other hand, feel like we should be way more smitten with each other since it’s only been a little over a year.

The thing is, Scott admitted to being a serial monogamist. I mean, before me, he was in a 12-year relationship. He knows the ins and outs of coupledom and domesticity. I don’t. I can’t really blame him for finding his footing faster than me, can I?

Anyway, I’m feeling self conscious and in need of some reassurance that we’re doing ok.

Lost?

I’m feeling really out of sorts this evening and I have no idea why. I had a great day. I assembled some bookcases that were delivered on Monday, and then rearranged our stuff and now our home looks so nice and less cluttered, and also surprisingly not at all too full considering how small our place actually is.

But since coming back from my yoga class these evening, I’ve just been feeling off. Scott was busy working away at his computer when I walked through the door so he was distracted. When he’s like this and I don’t have his full attention for the first 10 minutes of us reconnecting after being apart all day, I do sometimes feel a little off. Maybe it’s that.

Whatever the cause, I still can’t shake it. Even a super hot shower didn’t do the trick.

I’m curled up in bed now while Scott’s still on the couch.

The new collection is a disaster.

I just received some samples from my manufacturers in Bali and I am so disappointed.

7 out of 11 pieces are way too big, and 2 are too small. There are only 2 pieces that are correct.

I’m already late as it is, and now I’m going to be even later with my collection. 🙁 I am currently in Perth on a mini vacay, which I  chose to do over going to Bali because I thought my manufacturers had this sorted, but now I’m having trouble enjoying my time away because all I can think about is how I wasted my money on this holiday when I could have gone to Bali to handle this. I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling so discouraged that I honestly feel like skipping a winter collection altogether and just taking a very long break until September.

Maybe I just need to make some winter staples to tide me over until spring. My manufacturer got the most beautiful linen coat right, and a lovely shirt dress. I could totally work on those with a few other pieces.

The only problem is I wanted this new collection to  be very  “OG Seraphim”. I wanted it to be boho, with lots of amazing prints… and now I feel like I’m stuck on using black and grey… which is so Melbourne… but not necessarily where I want the company to go. I want the Melbourne structure mixed with the flowiness of Byron Bay. Is that too much to ask, Universe?

*sigh* I’m going to let myself moan for another day and then it’s back to the drawing board. I need to ovary up and sort this shit out.

Happy Birthday, Jen

Well, my birthday has come and gone. It was good – although I was disappointed that some of my friends (especially 2 of my best friends) didn’t even call me up to wish me a happy birthday. *sigh*

Jackie and Tina had to work at 3am on my bday, so they woke me up and brought a bunch of balloons into my room. They bought me the Special Edition bottle of CK One, a gorgeous red Prada wallet, and a CK makeup bag. Melissa got me a manuscript book with quotes by famous musicians. I went back to sleep after, and woke up at around 7:30 am to watch Jackie and Tina on tv.

We spent the first half the day at home, just chilling out. Jackie and Tina had a bit of a snooze for a while and then we went to California Pizza Kitchen for lunch. Yummeh.

Then Tina, Mel and I went to church for the youth service and Jackie went off to a party (which, I must admit, I’m a little disappointed about. I can’t believe she didn’t spend the day with me. It was my birthday for fuck’s sake.)

After Youth Tina, Mel and I went to watch Hollywood Homicide. Not the best of movies but oh well.

Mum and Dad weren’t here to share my birthday with me which bummed me out. They are arriving from Scotland tonight. I can’t wait to see them.

Well, besides all my complaints, it was a good day. It was really thoughtful of Jackie and Tina to bring me balloons and all that. They can be the sweetest sisters 🙂

“She could be a real dog”

Well, I watched You’ve Got Mail tonight. Man, I love that film. Maybe it’s because I – unlike so many others – get internet relationships.

Anyway… Les and I were going to go on a bit of a Mraz stakeout (or search, rather) because Kat never got back to me, which I’m pretty pissed off about… Oh well.. can’t do anything about it now. Well, not with the help of Kat anyway.

So.. I’m bored.. and I have a headache… and I can’t be bothered really doing anything. Not the best combination if you ask me. Although I can definitely think of some worse combinations…

For example:
A KKK member in the middle of Harlem;
N in a pool of sharks;
Jen in a pool of Ns;
Orange Juice and milk;
Toothpaste and orange juice;
Jennifer Love Hewitt and John Mayer;
Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton.

Some good combinations:
Jen in a pool of John Mayers;
Jen in a pool of Jason Mrazes;
Jen in a pool;
Jen + a record deal;
Jen + touring the US.

@-^—

I’m feeling very alone right now…

No one’s online, no one’s around.. I don’t know whether it’s a good thing.. or a bad thing.

The past 10 days have been… ‘uncalled for’ is the only phrase I can think of. A lot of shit happened that I didn’t need.

I’m still unsure about how I’m feeling right now. I can’t make my mind up. Am I happy or sad? I hate feeling indifferent.

Mourning – Tantric

Is there something that you are trying to say
Don’t hold back now
It’s been a long time since I felt this way
So don’t hold back now

I purposely forgot about
Loving anyone
Cause I’m the only one who has
Who has been stepped upon

Is there something that you are trying to say
Cause I can take it
Cause I grew up a man this way
And if I’m hurt I’ll shake it

I’ll crawl back into my cave
That’s how I’ll make it
Cause out of all this hurt we have
Beauty thus become
Beauty thus become

Chorus:
In the mourning I can see the sights
No wonder I could never keep you satisfied
In the mourning I can see inside
Myself and all the things that you were trying to hide

Wishing all the best for you
And now I will say goodbye
Cause all the shit that we’ve been through
Put wisdom in my eyes

So walk away, don’t turn around
Cause I won’t be standing here
Cause all the lies that I’ve been living through
Are becoming very clear
And beauty thus become

Chorus:
In the mourning I can see the sights
No wonder I could never keep you satisfied
In the mourning I can see inside
Myself and all the things that you were trying to hide

Then you conned me into thinking
That all I had was you
The small insinuations
Were cutting me through
Cutting me through

And now I stand alone here
Stronger than before
And I’ll never go back
Never go back
Never go

I’m doing fine…

Last night was absolutely awful.

I can’t elaborate too much, because I don’t know who is reading this diary, but basically, someone that I had offered my trust to betrayed me. *sigh* I’m fine now, but I was a wreck last night.

Oh well. That’s ok.. c’est la vie. Such is life, eh?

To top it all off, I have the most awful sore throat imaginable… I could feel it starting last night, but didn’t think it would be this bad. Blah. I need some cheering up. Thank GOD Les is coming over later. We’re going to oriel to get some coffee. I am in dire need of some caffeine.

On a better note, I went for a run today. Nothing too strenuous though. My cough was getting worse, and it was cold and windy outside. I also cleaned my room which was in need of a tidy up! But it’s nice and clean now! I wish my stupid digital camera was working so I could show you!