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2 hours until it is my birthday. I’m usully really excited about my birthday, but this year it feels different.

I feel very alone.

– Perhaps it is because my parents aren’t here – they’re in Scotland. I got a text message from my dad this evening. He’s sounding very happy to be back there. It’s the first time he’s been back in about 25 years. And I’m happy that he’s happy – because he so deserves it.

– Perhaps it is because my friends – my real frieds – won’t be here to celebrate it with me. The people I meet tomorrow will be mere acquaintences.

– Perhaps it it because my little sister is so distant. We’re growing apart and that upsets me so. I guess it was inevitable.

– Perhaps it is because I don’t have someone who loves me. Someone to tell me that I’ve made their life just a little more easy to bear. Someone to hold at night.

I met a very cool new friend online today. I was checking out TDO and came across Kalen’s website and we just had a chat on AIM. What a lovely young man. After a while we realised what sad cases we both were.. lol.

*sigh* Kalen made me realise how much I miss my friends in Perth. I’m really sick of having these friends here that I can’t really confide in. I’m sick of keeping everything in and not being able to rant and rave to a person I know won’t judge me. I’m sick of the weather… and I’m sick of the traffic most of all. I miss driving. I miss the clean air. I miss late night coffee sessions. I miss being able to call my friends up for a chat whenever I want to.

But it hasn’t been all bad. It’s really wonderful to be back with my family. The Clan, back together at last! And it’s great how much I’ve bonded with Jackie and Tina – two people that are so close to me yet so distant in almost everything BUT dna. It’s been really nice not fighting every single day, like we used to. It’s very bizarre actually.

My birthday is in November, and my parents will be arriving in town from Austria late on that day. *sigh* I predict another boring birthday. How sad. I should have a party. Oh pssssht. I can’t complain. Last year, JOHN MAYER sang happy birthday to me. And my cousins and parents went all the way to Perth just to be with me. It wasn’t all that bad. Actually, it was wonderful.

Ok, well, I got back from recording about 30 minutes ago and I am so pooped I tell you. I got to the studio at 1pm but, because someone else was using it, we ended up starting at around 5pm. Grr. And THEN… we had some tech problems. But thank God we recorded the part that I had to do. Basically, I had to sing over a track as a guideline of how the song is supposed to go. I can chill tomorrow but I think we’re going to actually do my vocal tracks on Wednesday or Thursday.

The good thing is that I got to have a chat to Erick and get to know him a bit better. He’s 26 and although he’s Indonesian, he’s lived in Singapore and LA for most of his life. He’s married, and his wife is also Indonesian but has lived abroad. It was really cool to be able to just chit chat about nothing and everything with him. He has such faith in me and really believes that I can make it. It’s so refreshing to be around people who are so positive!

Happy Fasting for all those Muslims! It was SO fuckin’ nice on the roads today. NO TRAFFIC JAMS! The Fasting month is THE best time of the year to visit. No jams, not as much pollution – Aaah.

Heaven… I’m in Heaven.. and my heart beats so that I can hardly speeeeeak….

*sigh* The day seems to be going by so slowly. I hate waiting around. But sitting here on the computer isn’t exactly helping. I should be doing something. But man, I really can’t be bothered doing ANYTHING at all right now.
I missed a gym session today. I feel really guilty now… I should’ve gone.. at least the time would’ve flown by a little faster. AND I wouldn’t be feeling the guilt that seems to be creeping up from my stomach. It’s ok. It’s ok. You can go tomorrow. You can go tomorrow. Just eat well today, and it’ll be fine.

Right now, my parents are packing. Their plane leaves tomorrow morning and then I will be alone again… Completely alone. Yes, I have friends. But I will be in this house alone, even with them right here next to me.

I’ve had some weird dreams the last couple of days…

The first one was about Edward Norton. I was his girlfriend for the first half of the dream. We were on some kind of cruise ship and this gorgeous yacht was being towed along behind it. I don’t really remember much about it – just that something bad happened to this cruise ship so EN and I got onto the yacht.. but then the yacht started getting eaten by sharks. I think this is when I turned into EN. The rest of the dream was basically about my girlfriend and I being chased by sharks. It was a pretty scary dream.

Shark
This disagreeable swimmer is an omen of danger from dishonest friends or associates; be extra cautious in all financial matters for the time being.

Ship
Whether powered by sail, steam, or motor, ships in your dream are an augury of profitable ventures. To be in a shipwreck portends a situation in which you will have to defend your reputation. To see or build a model of a ship promises a mad new love affair within the year. A single battleship seen in your dream indicates an improvement in your living conditions; a fleet of ships is a sign of business success. In any dream of ships, the condition of the water and weather must be taken into consideration.

Sailing
If you dreamed of handling or observing the sails on a boat, it predicts approaching happiness; to dream that you were sailing under pleasant conditions and with favorable winds predicts prosperity, but uncomfortably choppy seas or dead calm portends disappointment. If you dreamed of sailing into harbor in a small boat, the forecast is of sudden success or unexpected good fortune.

Fright
The augury of this emotion depends on the action. If you had a sudden fright, it indicates an unexpected success in some current activity; if your feeling of fright was general and/or steady, it indicates that whatever your current fears are they will not materialize; however, if you dreamed of deliberately frightening another person, you can expect reverses due to your lack of judgement.

Well, Zehra moved out a bunch of her stuff today. She’s staying at her flat again. It feels very weird to be staying all alone again. But it’s only for one night anyway. Mum, Dad and Mel are going to be arriving tomorrow night. I’m pretty excited about it but at the same time, I’m kinda wishing they would postpone it until Sunday… that way I can actually have some time alone. I need to re-adjust to living all by myself. If people keep staying over, it’ll take ages for me to get used to it again :/

Anyway, it’s been a pretty boring day. I’m feeling a little depressed actually. I was talking to Rob a few days ago and he told me that him, Thyrza, Vic and Ella performed at an open mic night and they did so well that they’ve been ask to do a gig at Mojo’s in a couple of weeks’ time. I just feel so jealous. I’m so scared to go out on stage by myself but I know I should… and to be asked to perform a proper gig? That would be AWESOME.

Yeah yeah yeah… so it’s bloody Tuesday. I don’t care.

?Listening to some stupid kids next door making a fucking racket. I’m going to kill them if they don’t shut the hell up…?

Here goes…

1. Name one song you hate to admit you like.
That damn Blue song. You know the one that goes “I’m blue – da ba dee da ba dai da ba dee da ba dai….I have a blue house with a blue window… blue is the color of all that I weaaar….”
*Ahem* Or something.

2. Name two songs that always make you cry.
‘Awesome In This Place’ & ‘Lift Up Your Eyes’. They’re worship songs that we sing at our church. I always get goosebumps when I sing them.

3. Name three songs that turn you on.
‘The Art of Love’ by Toni Braxton
‘Misery’ by Amel Larrieux
‘Drowndeep’ by Maxwell….
*purrrrrrrrrrrr….*

4. Name four songs that always make you feel good.
‘Don’t Know Why’ by Norah Jones
‘Change The World’ by Eric Clapton
‘No Such Thing’ by John Mayer
‘Love Song For A Savior’ by Jars of Clay

5. Name five songs you couldn’t ever do without.
‘Redemption’ by Jars of Clay
‘Back To You’ by John Mayer
‘Breath of God’ by Shane & Shane
‘Change the World’ by Eric Clapton
‘Jesus Freak’ by DC Talk

Listening to Something’s Missing by John Mayer (in my head) & Love Song For a Savior by Jars of Clay on Z’s comp?

It’s only 3:03pm and I’m feeling restless again. I usually get like this either when I wake up, or very late at night. Grrr… I think I’m subconsciously getting panicky about something… maybe it’s my school work. I don’t know why I’m getting all worried about that though. I still have ages to go before anything is due… except for a test tomorrow that I know I’ll do ok in.

What is it, phor phuck’s sake? It’s pissing me off.. I don’t need to be worrying about something right now.

“Something’s Missing and I don’t know how to fix it….”